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Sex. Sex? Sex!

It's a major part of our lives, but we don't usually talk about it around the watercooler. And since the topic is shrouded in so much cultural wrapping paper, your average writer has absolutely no idea how to write about human beings being sexy.

Today, I went to the expert to help us become more comfortable writing about all things sensual. Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote the excellent Lusty Lady sex column at the Village Voice, and edited Best Sex Writing 2008.

Welcome to my deceptively simple feature, Five Easy Questions. In the spirit of Jack Nicholson’s mad piano player, I run a weekly set of quality interviews with writing pioneers—delivering some practical, unexpected advice about web writing.

Jason Boog:

It takes a lot to write frankly and vividly about sex. There are so many clichés and taboos to steer around. What's your advice for a writer looking to write more physical, sensual, and sexy nonfiction? How can we avoid clichés and stop gettting hung up on taboos?

Rachel Kramer Bussel:
I think the first thing to do is to forget about anything you think you "should" do. Continue reading...

We all talk and think about sex differently, so the words that may feel right to me might not be right to you. I think sometimes people make the mistake that simply writing about sex is automatically titillating, when that's not the case at all. You can write smart nonfiction about sex that's insightful without being clinical - and you can also write erotica that's actually not sexy at all.

Being honest, with yourself and your audience, is foremost. If that means using a pseudonym, use a pseudonym, but you don't want to be cagey. I don't mean you have to be clinical, I just mean don't make assumptions about what your readers are into sexually.

If something's unclear, spell it out, and don't shy away from a topic because you're worried about what someone else might think. That seems to me to be the biggest impediment to writing about sex, and I think it's a natural concern but one that hinders quality writing on the topic.

We all think about sex and most of us have done it, so try to relax and just write openly, the way you would about any other topic. Use the language you feel comfortable with and give yourself permission to talk about whatever it is, whether it's a visit to a strip club or losing your virginity or feeling uncomfortable about something sexual.

I think being upfront about your own biases and what you don't know is helpful too; check out Brian Alexander's MSNBC column or recent book America Unzipped for a journalistic tour through the various worlds of sex from someone who approaches the topic largely as an outsider.

I think you have to also have an open mind and realize that your version of sex is not everyone's version of it. Being open to listening to how others discuss the topic, what makes them tick, helps you gain insight and new ways of writing about it. One of the things I think the authors in Best Sex Writing 2008 do is investigate people who are different than them, whether it's septuagenarians dealing with birth control or middle-aged women lusting after teenage boys.

They also look at people who are like them in some way and explore the different ways various groups approach sex and ask how much of our sexual identities and practices are cultural.